Not doing so well

So the first day is always the hardest right? I did OK through breakfast and then found myself actually hungry for lunch. Didn't fair to well though. I had my first Cherry Coke today which will hopefully be the only. I found myself back in the pantry eating little Debbie cakes after a sensible lunch, and a handful of Doritos. I feel better though, at about this time I have usually already consumed two cokes and want to take a nap because I ate to much. I was going to exercise but couldn't find the motivation to do it. I am feeling better now and hopefully will do it when Bryce goes down for a nap. I know that I need to do better, I want to do better. This blog is going to be a reflection on how I am handling it. What I need to say to myself and hopefully will get some help from others along the way.

Things need to change...I need to change.....

Good Morning Day #1

As sad as this may be I woke right up this morning thinking about what I am going to have for breakfast even before I got out of bed. Why? I wasn't even hungry, I need to get to the bottom of this problem. I know that I had some strange dreams and I woke up feeling abandoned and my mind went straight to food.

But to be proud of myself I made a small toast and one egg meal, then found myself after the donuts in the pantry. I had one but one is a good start for me, I think that I ate 10 or more yesterday, you know those Delicious little Mrs. Baird's powdered sugary goodness. Anyways I only had one. Go me!

So I am off to start my morning with some chores and then an overview of the weight watchers program, then hopefully some good exercises with my friend Billy Blanks. Love him. He kicks my butt every time.

My Goal is to drop 40 pounds then start in on P90X. Which has been taking up space on my floor for almost a year. Courage people Courage.

I am working on it. To the First day of a better life.

To The Beginning

To find the motivation and inspiration to do this is extremely hard. I started with the Internet wondering if there were any blogger there to boost me along.....To my surprise there were many. I spent the better part of two days reading through blog after blog, being touched by the very personal stories and trials that others seem to have with weight loss. Most of them are extremely impressive and gave me the drive to want to do this.

What is the Motivation:

Freedom from the weight
Freedom the run and play without exhaustion
The desire to go out and be seen
To be intimate again with my spouse without doubting myself
To be happy
To be able to say no to food
To take control of my life
To feel good about myself
To play with my children
Regain control of my emotions
To be motivated to do whatever I want
Play softball again

The list goes on and on......But most of all I want to be able to look in the mirror again and be proud of myself...See that beautiful girl that I know that I am.

The Journey Begins, To The Beginning Of My Happiness!